A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS
- GH's Stephen Nichols offers a rare glimpse of his spiritual self if there is one
message Stephen Nichols
would like others to glean from his life experiences, it is that you never know what's
around the next
corner. Growing up in Ohio, he certainly never imagined he would become an actor Of: any
stature,
let alone one who has enjoyed the tame his roles as Patch on Days of Our Lives and Stefan
Cassadine
on General Hospital have brought him. Nor did his childhood offer any indication that he
would ever
have a fulfilling family life. Even Nichols seems surprised at having both a successful
career and three |
beautiful children. His appreciation for privacy wages war with paternal pride when it
comes to sharing
the details of his home life. He feels his kids experienced too much attention during his
celebrity on Days,
but he's so proud of them and they are such an integral part of his being, that it is
impossible not to talk
about them. His eyes light up as he describes his 18 year-old daughter, Vanessa from his
first marriage,
as a highly intelligent linguistics major who is a drummer/percussionist in the Santa
Monica College Symphony.
His l6 year-old son, Aaron is into holistic and alternative medicine and Asian philosophy.
"He's very compassionate and he's been very wise from the time he was a little boy
Nichols says.
"Once a week he would say those profound things that kids can that blow you away. My
kids are really
wonderful people and I couldn't be luckier. His 5-year-old daughter, Dylan from his
current,
12-year marriage to Lisa, has rejuvenated him. His dressing room walls are papered with
her art work,
including a giraffe that Nichols boasts was drawn by Dylan at age 4. Just having a little
person who
is independent upon you again for every little thing is incredible," says Nichols.
"Not that teenagers aren't,
but they don't come to me every minute. They have their own lives and they, visit on
weekends, but
Dylan needs constant attention and supervision. "I've always needed the kids to
inspire me to do better,
to improve myself and to keep going, because this life is not easy. There's no easy
street, and if there
is, somebody please tell me about it," he says with a laugh. "Put the kids
always keep me inspired
to the point where I can get up in the morning, get to work on time and do my job well.
That's what
I love. And I learn so much from each child. Dylan is teaching me a lot. I can't even
describe how
much joy I get from having that little person around."
Nichols' own childhood had too few wondrous, lighthearted moments. Born in Cincinnati.
he grew up
mainly with his grandparents. He never knew his father, a jazz pianist who played with the
likes of Joe
Pass and Stan I(Kenton. "My memories as a child are mostly around my grandfather, Cub
Scouts, winter
sled rides with my grandpa pulling me and my sister along. and then my grandmother being
very sick --
and having to move out of their house and going to foster care several different times.
When I was 8 years
old, my mother remarried and moved us to Dayton, Ohio." His childhood was confusing,
he admits. and often
unhappy. "I can't really put together how it all happened, but I came to a very dark
place. However, I do
know that my mother did the best that she could, and I love her. She worked hard to give
my sister, brother
and myself the best clothes for school. and a very nice house in a safe neighborhood. In
fact, my mother
never bought anything for herself. She's also responsible for teaching me excellent
manners (Thanks Mom!).
"My father was a victim of alcoholism. He was a brilliant artist and musician, but he
just couldn't do life.''
He credits his grandfather with teaching him love and respect. "If it weren't for
him. I would be dead at this
moment. I would have been lost in drugs or something. I just wouldn't have made it. He
gave me a lot of
love and a wonderful work ethic. "He also gave me a faith in something greater than
the material world.
I've always had a sense that there was some greater purpose in the universe and that
greater purpose
would support me in my life. Even when people let me down, I knew I had a reason and a
purpose for
being. "In my adolescence I felt, 'If this is all there is, I just can't go on.' I
felt I had tasted just about
everything there was to taste in life and that nothing was going to work out I would take
long walks
in the woods and yell and scream into the universe 'If you are there -- somebody, anybody
--
you'd better make yourself known because I am not going to be here much longer'."
Fatefully a friend turned him on to a book on eastern philosophies, which fascinated
him. At 19. he
went to the Self Realization Fellowship in Los Angeles. "Things changed as soon as I
got there,"
says Nichols. "I started meeting the people and learning about the techniques, first
and foremost,
meditation, and I got so jazzed about it. I discovered a whole new world inside myself
that seemed
more real than anything on the out side. So I decided to dedicate my life to being a
monk." For three
and a half years, Nichols committed himself to the lifestyle of a monk, but just as he was
to officially go
into the order, he reneged. It was as if lightning struck him. "The guy was standing
in front of' me,
saying 'It's time to go,' and knew I should not do this, that this was not the life for
me. I remember that
moment vividly." A couple of year's later, Nichols had a similar revelatory moment
while performing
a scene from Streetcar Named Desire at Los Angeles City College. "There was such a
connection with
the audience." he recalls. 'It was as if I were playing a beautiful song and people
were enjoying it.
I was almost in tears. "I grew up thinking I could never accomplish anything, that I
would never
amount to anything. That comes from people telling you that you can't do anything, that
you're useless.
that you're stupid. "Kids hear everything.'' he impassioned. "If you tell a kid
one that they will never
amount to a hill of beans, they will carry that with Them for the rest of their lives, I
firmly believe that.
I had the work ethic grandpa gave me, but I had no self-esteem until I was on that stage,
doing that
scene and I knew in that moment, 'By God, I can do something. I am worth something. I can
:give
to people. I have a talent.' That was a profound moment that I've always carried with
me."
Acting also entered the picture at fortuitous time. It was a period of :turmoil for
Nichols, then a music
student in the midst of arranging to meet his father for the first time. "I was
writing all sorts of love
songs to my father, because I knew I was going to meet him in a couple of weeks. Then it
was so
disappointing, I didn't know what to do. I was trying to practice and do scales and
inversions on piano
and I just couldn't do the physical labor -- it was too dry. I wanted to use my creative
instincts now.
A friend said, "let's go over to LA City College and audition for the theater
academy.' I had done
talent shows in school and had the bug, ,but I was still afraid. I auditioned and got in.
It was a total fluke
in a way. but not really, as my path was unfolding."
Nichols pauses. "I don't want to paint a picture of a tragic child- hood," he
says. "It was so long ago and
I really believe that for people who go through anything difficult in life, even as
children -- and God
bless children, they shouldn't have to go through this garbage -- there is a reason and a
lesson to learn
and you can come to a new place out of it." Nichols acknowledges that the sum of his
early challenges
and soul searching actually served to make him a devoted father, even though his first
marriage did
not work out. "When my kids came around and I saw those little faces -- and I was
there when
they were born, all three of my children were born at home I realized what my life was
really about
and if I wasn't going to be a monk, I was going to be a really good father "Somebody
said to me once,
'If you treat your child like a visiting head of state all the time, like you have a guest
who is almost
royalty in your home, with that much respect and that much care, then you're going to be a
good
parent. I've never forgotten that. They are worth everything, every moment. Everything you
can
give... kids are worth it. Children are our future. People seldom think of that. They just
think of kids
like animals -- you can discard them, you can not listen to them. you can push them aside.
It's a crime
the way kids are treated.
"My children are my life," adds Nichols, who credits his wife with helping
him be a good father. "She's
always been a strong, determined woman who will not settle for anything less than equality
in the home.
In America, we've grown up with this patriarchal system where. even if it's not said by
the husband, it's
implied that everything that happens in the household revolves around him, especially
emotionally, which
is the scary part. Everything is to support daddy -- 'Oh, don't cry now because daddy
can't hear that right
now He's had a hard day at work.' "Hey, we all live here and it's our job to do our
part and share in the
duties. Daddy changes diapers and Daddy puts the baby to bed, not just Mommy."
Nichols sees his
involvement with Dylan as pure joy. "It makes me appreciate my life more because I
have those special
moments with her. It's just everything to me," he says quietly.
He also loves his work. "I'm very grateful to be a working actor." he says.
"It's not that it's just a good
job, the people are nice and the actors are great, but it's incredible to have a job doing
work I love.
I could be out digging ditches. But whatever the job. now I know why I'm doing it -- for
my family.
"' Nichols knows now that this is the very purpose he sought when he screamed as a
teen in the
woods. "I've had a lot of teens and preteens write to me. some of them suicidal, and
I always tell
them there's a reason for each and every person to be on this earth. You're worth it. You
just have to
give it time and find out what your purpose is. And that's really what happened to me. I
was able to
hold on until I found out what my purpose was."
-- ROBYN FLANS